The Act of Presence

Published by: Jeff Shinabarger
August 24, 2011

As a society, we always celebrate bigger, faster, and cheaper. If you ever watch a press conference where Steve Jobs is debuting the latest Apple creation you will see that these are the greatest values that are celebrated. Mixed into the announcements are the push for unique design and the integration of technology that enhances relationship. The debut of Facetime was a perfect example of how the leading technological advancements are shifting from progress of technology to enhancement of relationships. This trend will only increase. Why? Bill McKibben has so perfectly coined an answer to this question: ‘more does not equal better.’ As our communication devices have increased there has been a greater fracture in relationships. If we are creating mediums that are not enhancing deep relationship it will result in a surface view of friendship.

I am not anti-technology. I actually love gadgets. I use an iphone, ipad and macbook air. I get geeked out when there is a new announcement by Apple. But, over time I think that we can all agree, technology is no replacement for presence. There is no technology that can replace a truthful conversation with my wife. There is no gadget equal to playing with my daughter for an hour on the floor and laughing uncontrollably together. There is no communication device that can give a hug when we really need it from a friend.

Presence is greater than things. Presence is the feeling that my Dad gifted me when he attended every sports game I was playing in, even when his schedule was busy. Presence is when there is a death in the family and your best friend just sits next to you and doesn’t have to say a word. Presence is not fast, big, or cheap. Presence is not replaceable with someone else or something else. Presence is an essential element in your deepest relationships. Its unspoken. Its true. It’s the greatest encouragement anyone can ever receive or give. Presence is a physical expression of love in the midst of a motion-celebrated culture. To stop and be.

How have you experienced presence or been shaped by presence in recent months?

Read more about busyness:
Busy is the New Fine
I’m Grounded

This post is inspired by a gathering I help lead called Catalyst where we purposefully named the theme: Be Present. If you are interested in learning more about Catalyst, check out http://www.catalystconference.com

Rob Debar

This is very True Jeff. It seems more and more people are becoming attached to the unrealistic virtual world of fantasy to the point where they expect it to be factual to everyday living. People are becoming more impatient and want things now rather than later.

The mind becomes warped and disconnects from the heart. Reality and “presence” as you say, really warm the heart. And it is through the heart that God intended for people to live life.
http://profiles.google.com/matthew.la.snyder Matthew Snyder

Such good truth. I’ve been trying to become more intentional lately, just something that I’ve been feeling led to do [and become].

I’m finding that – like you said – nothing can replace actually being PRESENT with a person. I’ve found that the use of technology can enhance it though. It definitely opens the door for follow-up, which is pretty cool.
I think the best example of the power of presence comes when I spend time with my mentor. It’s one thing to connect via email or chat, but it’s a whole ‘nother ballgame when him and I get to sit over coffee. It’s easier for me to “catch” things and to pick up on how he shapes the environment around him… just by being who he is. I want to become like that and I would never see it if we weren’t present together.
Deborah Lubbe

This goes hand in hand with the less is more concept so beautifully as you mentioned above. Personally I am learning to be quiet. To observe. Currently for my job in India I am learning about the low-income sector and I have been placed in a school to try and improve the overall quality of said school and it’s education practices. It is basically training on the job and the best way to make an impact is to simply BE PRESENT. Stop. Sit. Listen. Watch. I have soaked up so much more from simply sitting and allowing the children, teachers, and management to move around me. The company that has hired us (fellowship program) has requested that we have impact assements and data and all of that good jargon. The problem is, they are not on the ground. They are not the baseline relationship builders. Being present is listening to a 40 year old Indian teacher confide in me about her sick daughter and that she is very tired today. I am building trust day by day, just being there. Just, being present. Thank you for your post. It was really encouraging. There are days it is difficult to accomplish tasks on a list in a slum school that lacks infrastructure and not feel like I was able to “do” anything. I hope to build deep relationships during my remaining 9 months here…thank you again for your post.
http://twitter.com/shinabarger Jeff Shinabarger

These are some great thoughts. I have a hard time sitting and listening.
I have been told recently by some mentors that the more you do this the
easier that it becomes. It is truly a challenge for me. So, to read about people like you that are doing this on a consistent basis, it is a great encouragement to me. Keep up the hard work of this posture.
http://twitter.com/shinabarger Jeff Shinabarger

So true. There is also something about being with a person that you start to feel the unspoken thoughts and emotions they put out toward the situation. This is something that cannot be replaced. It sounds like you have a great mentor – which in itself is a lost aspect of our society also.
http://twitter.com/shinabarger Jeff Shinabarger

Such a great statement about developing a warped mind. Its crazy how it influences so many aspects of our thinking and actions. Good words.
http://makingmuchofhim365.com/2011/08/26/de-busying-lesson-1-the-social-media-technology-diet/ De-busying Lesson 1: The Social Media/ Technology Diet | sarahfarish

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