The Eye

Published by: Joanna DeWolf
January 26, 2012

I suddenly felt like I was being watched. Not that I wasn’t used to the feeling. My job during those years included walking into several different lock-down facilities in our area to conduct chapel services and visit with teens struggling to find their way. You get used to having cameras trained on you from all angles. But this was different. A business card with an eye on it stared up at me from the reception desk. That’s it. Just a big eye. Of course, curiousity got the best of me and I picked up the card. It folded opened and on the inside it said “I saw you…” This residential placement facility for troubled teenagers used a system where staff were encouraged to spot the youth doing something good and then tell them so with one of those cards. For a group of teenagers who were continually being caught doing something wrong and reminded of the wrongdoing and its consequences day after day, that little card was a breath of fresh air.

I’ve never been able to forget that eye. Our eyes are our information gatherers and gatekeepers. Some would argue that we just take in whatever we see. As if it were purely a biological function outside of our control. But I’ve learned over the years, that you can train your eyes to see what they want to see. You see an angry young man. I see a hurt little boy protecting himself from more emotional wounds. You see trash. Someone else sees a business opportunity. You see snow to be shoveled. I see sledding in my near future!

Sometimes the hardest place to train ourselves to see well is right in our own home. Let’s face it, those who live with us see our worst—sometimes more often than our best. And one of the perils and joys for me as a homeschooling mom is that I see it all. Too often, I start to zero my focus in on the bad. Those behaviors and attitudes that need fixing. The weaknesses instead of the strengths.

STICKY NOTES to the rescue! I may have mentioned in the past that I’ve fallen in love with sticky notes. This month, I found yet another use for sticky notes! Sticky notes have become my “big eye” cards. I keep a stack of them by my Bible and journal. At the end of the night or in the morning when I sit down to read and write, I think back over the day. Then I write a little note to my family member telling them where I caught them being great. Just a quick note to say what I love about them, what I saw them doing well, how much fun I had with them that day. Then I stick it on the bathroom mirror.

Not only does it encourage them, but it also changes me. To train my eyes to see what I want to see: the best parts of those I love. Who can you sticky note today?

Nicole Beurkens

I love this Joanna! It’s so true that we often see the “bad” far more clearly than the “good”. Being intentional about spotlighting the good in our family members is important – and this sticky note strategy makes it quick and easy. I’m going to use this idea in my own home, and encourage my client families to use it as well. Thanks!
Nicole
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