Growing up, I had one fear that ruled them all…
One fear that loomed large—like a pissed off gorilla hiding in my closet.
One fear, coiling its tentacles around my throat each day.
My fear was that people would find out that this preacher’s kid from Alabama…was gay.I’d committed to stay single and celibate. But I created a life of distraction to keep people off the trail. I bought a big black SUV, traveled a lot, and worked myself to death so I didn’t have to talk about it.
But over time, I learned that dating fear every day is exhausting.
Years passed. I allowed a few friends in. I let myself talk about it. My heart got healthier. Eventually, I began to despise the fear I’d loved for so long.
Sometimes in life, we have to decide to step out from our hiding place and start shouting. So I decided to shout the thing I feared most…I decided to just tell the world.
I came out on Facebook on a Tuesday morning in late 2016 and followed that post with a 44-episode memoir called Blue Babies Pink. I knew some wouldn’t get it. I knew some would call me a narcissist. And I didn’t care (or…I just decided not to care, rather).
I’d lowered the drawbridge to my greatest fear, and about 50,000 people flooded in via the Internet. It was glorious. For eight weeks I wrote, and we all feasted on my fear together. It was healing for me and helpful for lots of others too.
It’s a long road from obsessively hiding your pet fear behind thick castle walls to blasting it from a megaphone so the whole kingdom hears. The fear that keeps people in the closet is the same fear that keeps people from chasing their dreams. Many of life’s struggles begin with fear as the ailment. And courage is always the cure.
Throughout Blue Babies Pink, there were three truths that caused my courage to soar…
Reminder #3 — You’re dead in 100 years! Yay!
It’s true: Even with a daily diet of kale, grilled chicken, and Crossfit, you’ll still be dead 100 years from today. That may seem dark, but it’s actually quite freeing. You were issued exactly one bumping/thumping/functioning
Brett Trapp, Creator of Blue Babies Pink